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Where in I whine about mental health issues, overthink my relationship with social media when thats where my friends are, and worry about reaching out vs whining
If I could get my attention span back that would be grand. I need to get out of my head more, but I can't even read fic. I've got maybe 2k in me before I just look at it and my brain goes no. Tried with some shorter works and its like reading a text book? the words are there and in interesting combinations but little to no emotional resonance.
Trying not to be pissed off that I can however do social media. Like I wouldn't trade a day with my Rogers to get the feeling of a 50k slowburn with good world building but if I could take a couple hours to read some fluff and come back that would be nice. Before you say it, I know Corona is a factor in it continuing but this has been going on in varying degrees since before the virus was properly on my radar much less an active stressor in my life.
God its nice to have people in real time though, and such good people too. I'm even getting over the urge to hide under the table when I get half a dozen "hi"s in stream chat like I'm Planets, hell if things keep up I'm going to be calling Drutt a friend without having any of my usual rank nonsense kicking in. I'm trying to balance reaching out to my little discord Vs with worrying them and, you know, not just whining about every thought that passes my head. They were a god send with having to take Mom to the hospital yesterday and have been so gentle & kind with me today. which is the other reason I want my brain together enough to read or something. I don't want them feeling obligated to sit up with me.
Also I know part of it is things are reminding me of middle school and having to pretend nothing was going on takes me to a bad place, but why the fuck is being messy in public what it takes to get it out of my head?
If I could get my attention span back that would be grand. I need to get out of my head more, but I can't even read fic. I've got maybe 2k in me before I just look at it and my brain goes no. Tried with some shorter works and its like reading a text book? the words are there and in interesting combinations but little to no emotional resonance.
Trying not to be pissed off that I can however do social media. Like I wouldn't trade a day with my Rogers to get the feeling of a 50k slowburn with good world building but if I could take a couple hours to read some fluff and come back that would be nice. Before you say it, I know Corona is a factor in it continuing but this has been going on in varying degrees since before the virus was properly on my radar much less an active stressor in my life.
God its nice to have people in real time though, and such good people too. I'm even getting over the urge to hide under the table when I get half a dozen "hi"s in stream chat like I'm Planets, hell if things keep up I'm going to be calling Drutt a friend without having any of my usual rank nonsense kicking in. I'm trying to balance reaching out to my little discord Vs with worrying them and, you know, not just whining about every thought that passes my head. They were a god send with having to take Mom to the hospital yesterday and have been so gentle & kind with me today. which is the other reason I want my brain together enough to read or something. I don't want them feeling obligated to sit up with me.
Also I know part of it is things are reminding me of middle school and having to pretend nothing was going on takes me to a bad place, but why the fuck is being messy in public what it takes to get it out of my head?
